He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
