it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
