i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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