What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
