how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
