What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
