I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
