call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
