Got a toothbrush?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
