i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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