just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
