Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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