the new term for farting is butt boxing.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would fuck him just for his dog
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
