Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize