He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
