Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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