I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
