how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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