Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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