i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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