i wish my penis had a tongue
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize