I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
