when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize