I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
