She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
