hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
