Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
