Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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