I want to stick my p in your. b.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
