If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
