don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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