Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
