Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
