i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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