I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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