somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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