when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
