I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
