I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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