I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
