I bet he comes in French.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
