New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
