You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
