is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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