The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize