the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize