last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
