we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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