My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize