did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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