To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
