Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
