it wasn't lemon gatorade
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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