tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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