Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
