I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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