We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
