I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
