i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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