I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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