apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
