then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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