I faked an abortion last night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
