i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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