I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
