Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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