peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize