It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
