This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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