I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
