and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
