I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
