we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
