I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
